On Misery, Gratitude, and New Beginnings

I don’t have any good habits, save one. I’m radically grateful. Today I’m thankful that my screaming baby is alive to scream. I’m thankful that my willful child who is always questioning me will likely do the same to his friends when they try to pressure him to do wrong. I’m thankful that we’ve been able to pay rent thus far. I’m thankful for credit when debit cards get declined. And I’m thankful that fall is coming, that soon the open window days will be here, and I can drown my sorrows in warm, spiced apple cider.

Misery loves company and is evicted by gratitude.

Nap time is coming, and I make a point to tell Champ and remind myself that Nap Time is a chance to start fresh, like pushing the reset button on my 1985 NES. No matter how many times he went in time out, or faced special consequences, or threw a fit, after nap, he gets a second chance. Sometimes I take away a toy for a while, and he doesn’t get it back after nap. Sometimes he’s still suspended from watching PBS. But no matter what he’s done, no matter how angry I’ve gotten with him, when he goes to sleep, he knows I still love him, and when he wakes up from nap, he knows he can start on a clean slate, without bitterness radiating from his mother.

How do I get rid of that bitterness? I forgive. I forgive even when I’m not asked for forgiveness, because I love my son. I practice thankfulness. I wouldn’t be able to do any of it without God’s grace. I love because he loved me first. I forgive because I know I am forgiven. On days like this one, when I want to sit in my garage with my forehead resting on my steering wheel, tears flowing freely in the dark, I come broken to the Lord and he gives me strength.

This isn’t a blog about faith, it’s a blog about my life as a frazzled mom. And my faith is what gets me through that life. So sometimes, that faith will unapologetically shine through my posts. Other times, it’s still there, it just might not be called by name.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. Colossians 2:6-7

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. 1 Corinthians 15:10

We love because he first loved us. 1 John 4:19

For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Colossians 1:13-14

Behold, God is my salvation, I will trust and not be afraid; For the Lord God is my strength and song, And He has become my salvation. Isaiah 12:2