Abortion is Never the Right Choice

Note: As an abortion survivor and mother of my own unplanned pregnancy, this topic really strikes a chord in me. The wifosaurus is about to show her teeth but also reveal a gap in her scales. No, this post isn’t going to include photos of abortions or babies. I’d prefer to appeal to reason, not use emotional manipulation. But I can’t guarantee to be 100% reasonable, since this is an emotionally charged topic, and the discussion that prompted this post made me very, very angry.

I’m about to tell you that abortion is never the right choice. Don’t agree? Then you don’t have to. I’m not going to debate about when life begins. That’s not the point. The point is, having an abortion is a choice. Sometimes it’s choosing fear over faith. Sometimes it’s choosing selfishness over selflessness. But most times, it’s choosing to believe the lie that you aren’t loved, that you can’t do it, that you aren’t strong enough, and that you are all alone.

I’m here to tell you that you can do it. You are loved. You can do it. You are strong enough. You are not alone.

I know situations are complex. I don’t know everybody’s situation. I don’t claim to know. But I’m going to list a bunch of situations, and I’m going to give you my honest opinion—the opinion of a friend. Sometimes we need tough love, and I’m not afraid to tell it like it is.

Two wrongs don’t make a right

Whether you made a mistake or were the victim of a mistake, realize that an abortion will not solve your problems. If anything, it will add to your pain and grief and regret. Abortion clinics don’t care about what happens to you after they are finished with you. And yet so many women need counseling after an abortion, so many feel regret afterward. Their lives are plagued by “What if”s. On the other hand, becoming a parent (or giving someone else the chance to parent through adoption) can offer healing and redeem the situation. If good can come out of a bad situation, why choose something that could cause more grief and regret? I have heard countless stories of women who wished they had never aborted their child. I’ve never heard of a woman who honestly regretted having a child.

If you don’t want to be pregnant

Pregnancy can be a bugger. Still, would it kill you to do something for someone else in your life? No. If nothing else, pregnancy will make you reevaluate your priorities and make you more of a compassionate human being.

Also, obviously you have no idea that there are millions of women who would give their lives for the chance to be pregnant, but they are infertile. On their behalf, I have a string of choice words for you. But on your behalf, I’ll refrain from using them.

When the family situation is unstable

One of the most frustrating arguments I hear for abortion is that getting an abortion is better than having a child live in poverty. First, that completely ignores adoption, which would remove the child from an unstable situation and place him or her into a loving environment. Secondly, that logic decides that it’s not worth it to give someone a chance at something so fundamental as life itself. What if you met the love of your life, and he or she told you, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. There’s a chance that someday one of us might make the other unhappy.” Have you ever been upset because someone didn’t give you a chance? Have you ever felt like someone wrote you off or judged you without knowing you? Why is it okay for someone else to decide that a child has no right to live? This argument especially frustrates me because

I was that baby.

My mom was a teenager when she got pregnant with me. She was told she should get an abortion by those closest to her. But my mom gave me a chance, and she gave herself a chance. Yes, we lived in a rough neighborhood for a time and relied on food stamps for groceries. But my family, by the grace of God, worked their way out. My parents married, I grew up, got scholarships to go to college, fell in love, got married, and now I have my own child. I’m a regular person. I’ll probably never change the world by any significant means. But my existence has made an effect on my parents’ and on my husband’s and on my son’s life. How many future Albert Einsteins and Steve Jobs have we not given the chance to effect our world for the better?

It’s no coincidence that abortion clinics are located in the poorest neighborhoods. The abortion industry is a business that profits off vulnerable women. Abortions are expensive. But did you know that adoptive parents pay the medical bills for their birth mother? There is no such thing as an unwanted baby.

When it will change your life

Pregnancy and parenthood definitely change one’s life, of that I am certain. Unexpected pregnancies are terrifying! They threaten to change your world upside down. But sometimes life throws us curve balls. Parenthood is a chance at creating a legacy. Are babies inconvenient? Yes, yes they are. Will children drive you insane? Yes they will. But you will never know unconditional love like the love a parent has for a child until you are a parent yourself, whether birth or adoptive. I wouldn’t exchange anything in this life for my son. Success, riches, fame, comfort, entertainment…all these things are temporary. But a child is a gift that lasts two lifetimes—yours and theirs—plus the lifetimes of any future generations that come from that child. I know a handful of single mothers who made the choice to keep their children, and even though their lives changed, they would all agree that their lives changed for the better, and none of them have a single regret that they took a chance on their child.

If the baby might have a disability

First, most prenatal screenings are not accurate. They don’t tell you that a child has a disability, they tell you that a child might have the possibility of having a disability.

Secondly, if you don’t have a natural miscarriage, then it would playing God to destroy a child based on gender, disability or handicap of any kind. Except God doesn’t discriminate. So it’s really like playing Hitler.

When no one will support you

If your friends or family won’t support you in one of the biggest decisions of your life, what makes you think they will support you in easier situations? You may feel completely alone in this. Planned Parenthood will tell you as much. But you aren’t alone. There are support groups in churches, at pregnancy resource centers, and places you might not expect. When you open yourself to others, you’d be surprised who will end up being your closest friend. Find an advocate that believes in you and will support you through the pregnancy whether you decide to parent the baby or choose adoption. If no one close to you will, we have a spare bedroom, and we will be your new family.

If nothing else, realize that a child will love you completely, simply for being his or her mother, even if you choose adoption. You don’t have to be a perfect parent. No one is perfect at anything.

Maybe you had an abortion in your past. Maybe you’ve been grieving openly. Maybe you’ve been stifling that grief. Either way, find someone you trust that you can talk to. Most pregnancy centers can point you in the direction of post-abortive counseling, even if you think you’re over it, or if it’s been 20 or 30 years. Take the chance to release that guilt or grief and find freedom.

You aren’t perfect, but you are loved.

Puppies and Rainbows

Today was the kind of day that left me giddy as a kindergartner. We picked out a puppy and saw a luscious rainbow on the drive back from the farm!

First, I probably need to give some backstory since I’ve been gone so long.

I haven’t been posting lately because any post would have been a downer. Joblessness, homelessness, infertility, a miscarriage. Don’t get me wrong, I have definitely been seeing God’s blessings through everything–yes, even through the loss of our child. However, even when I would mention any of our troubles, along with the blessings, people would focus only on the apparent hopelessness and not seem to remember that I was encouraged by my faith.

Well, now I am writing to you from the living room of our beautiful rental house that is more than we could ever have hoped for. Our landlord / the owner is a Christian doctor and his family that are going to move to Chad to do medicine and missions for the refugees from Darfur. The house is in a great neighborhood and has plenty of room for the three of us. It makes me wish even more that we had additional children to enjoy it! Our new home is without a doubt a Godsend—it is amazing how He brings people together for their mutual benefit.

LT got accepted into an engineering program at a private school in Minneapolis and is joining the Marine Corps Reserves later this month. It will be quite an adjustment for him to go back to college again for a second degree! (He was a History major before graduating and then going to Officer Candidate School, followed by many more months of Officers’ training.) This fall he should be promoted to a Captain in the Reserves!

Little Champ did better than we could have hoped for on the long drive to Minnesota from North Carolina. Usually a very healthy boy, he’s been sick since the first few days of July—double pink eye first, followed by an ear infection, and now a cold that just won’t quit!

Originally LT and I decided we would get a dog after having our second child and potty training Little Champ. Now, since it will be quite some time before we will have another child (if the Lord would grant us another), we decided there is no time like the present. We have a new house, and we want Little Champ to have a companion to fill the gap between children. Yesterday we went to a pet shop to see the puppies. As fun as it was, it confirmed that 1) we can’t just get any dog, since I have terrible allergies to some breeds, and 2) we’d prefer to get a puppy from a breeder. The puppies in the shop seemed completely terrified, and while the shop owners seemed to really enjoy the dogs, I just don’t think pups should be cooped up like they were.

I had been in contact with some Havanese breeders for a month or so now and finally heard back from one that had a puppy available (all others had been previously claimed). After hours on the phone talking to the breeders and owners of the puppy’s parents, we decided that we definitely wanted to meet the little guy.

Here’s the photo they emailed me:
Today we went out to meet him, and on the way, I was just praying that he would either be our favorite by a landslide, or he wouldn’t want anything to do with us. From the photos of the litter, I’ll admit he wasn’t my first choice, but going to see all of the puppies together made me certain that he was the one. He was the first to jump up to greet us and was playful yet super cuddly. We are SO EXCITED to be bringing him home, but we are going to wait until Tuesday. We figure it’s better for him to get one last day with his mommy than to be traumatized when the movers come to our house on Monday.

We haven’t named him yet, and I only got a couple photos of him from our visit today, but I’m sure I’ll post more about him once we have his name chosen and have him home with us!

Four out of the five puppies in the litter. The one I originally thought was the cutest ended up just sleeping in the corner the entire time!

Our little prince. We’ve yet to pick a name for him.

I also foresee a puppy + two-year-old photoshoot on the horizon, since Little Champ’s birthday is next month!

P.S. Curious about the Havanese breed? Read more about this virtually hypo-allergenic dog here (on Wikipedia, of course).