Confessions of a Sleep-Deprived Mom of Two

Anyone that has come over to my home or talked to me on the phone recently can gather one of two things: 1) I am entirely sleep deprived and 2) I’ve lost complete control over my household.

If I weren’t so sleep deprived, I likely would have the sense to not post any of the information below. But because I am sleep deprived, I tell myself that a future sleep-deprived self will be amused by it when I see it again in a few years. Behold, life with a toddler, puppy, and newborn baby.

Confession #1

dazed

“Oh, I’m, I’m dazed and confused. I’ve been chasing this…this wee-naked child over hill and over dale.”

Oh, Doctor. You have no idea how relevant that line is to my life right now.

I just stepped out the front door, grabbed my toddler, and pulled him back inside. That seems normal enough—toddlers letting themselves outside. Mine was standing there, on the stoop, completely naked, wearing sunglasses. Then he ran off down the hall, the dog chasing after him, desperate to lick his bottom.

Confession #2

Champ has been getting quite a bit of freedom lately, as you can expect. In an attempt to stave off tantrums (or should I say, more tantrums), I’ve been giving him more leeway. He’s also regressed a bit in potty training, hence my letting him be naked (see above). The nakedness was progressive. He’s usually fully clothed—sometimes wearing the same pajamas or shirt for up to three days—but I’ve let him go shirtless like his dad a few times.

mowing

This afternoon, I had to change his clothes, and I grabbed the first pair of shorts I could find, not realizing they were 18-months. So I help him put on his underpants and the shorts, and they are super short. Like, Daniel Craig’s swimming suit in Casino Royale short. Whatever, it’s fine. But then he decided to put on his backpack, and as he’s running around with a backpack strapped to his back in hilariously tiny shorts, I was suddenly reminded of The Hawkeye Initiative, which exposes (no pun intended) the ridiculous hypersexualization of women in comic books by replacing women with illustrations of Hawkeye doing the same poses. Like this:

Sorry, son. I’ll make sure you wear appropriately sized shorts next time.

Confession #3 (aka, you can stop reading here and go about your daily business)

You know that space between two people right before they are about to kiss?

harry-ginny

Yeah, right there. We’ll call it “the land of in-between.” THAT is where I’ve been living the past three weeks.

Abstinence is no stranger to the Captain and myself. We saved ourselves for marriage, we got through the birth (and thereafter) of our first child, and we made it through many weekends, weeks, and months away from each other when he was an Active Marine. We’re pretty familiar with sexual tension, too—from the moment we first met, there was a definite chemistry between us that rivaled the likes of these folks:

mr-and-mrs-smith

Still, we had a strictly platonic relationship for quite some time before finally coming to terms with ourselves and each other, and most of that time was spent in that land of in-between. You can read our story here.

ron-hermione

Anyway, if you didn’t know already, several weeks after a woman gives birth are spent in abstinence, so her body can recover from labor and delivery. For most women, this is absolutely not a problem. And I think for some men who were present during the labor and subsequently traumatized, they can spend the time in recovery as well.

Apparently my hormones are completely whacked out, because I’ve got the opposite problem. I’ve got so much tension built up, just from the past 3 weeks, I could probably gnaw through a telephone pole.

You might conjure up an image such as this:

but this is to what I am referring:

I’ve been able to scrape the skin off the giant vat of pudding that is my sexual tension by watching clips from romantic comedies and commiserating with the characters.

But then the Captain comes home, wearing plaid and smelling like machines, and he goes and works on the car, or he chops some wood, or he walks across the room, or he leans up against a counter

and I’m all…

i want him bad

I think he’s secretly reveling in torturing me. This is what an average day in our house looks like these days:

killers

Notice his cheeky grin, her looking away and not knowing what else to do

I catch him walking out of the room, walking back into the room, taking off his shirt and revealing his GLORIOUS ABDOMINALS OF SPLENDOR, and then walking right out again.

But I know it’s affecting him, too. The other day, he cried out in a voice of mock-hysteria, “WE ARE IN A TIME OF HEALING!” and I nearly choked on my lunch from laughing.

At least we still have our sense of humor. In fact, the baby isn’t the sole reason for my sleep deprivation. Captain and I have been staying up super late every night for the past week, cracking up laughing. “Super late” is midnight for us—we get up at 6 or 7 every morning. It’s like having a marathon of slumber parties. We’re totally losing it, but we’re enjoying ourselves as much as we possibly can.

Now he’s finished with school and his part time job for the summer. I’m praying he can find another job soon, because going from seeing him just an hour or two a day to being together 24/7 is going to be a shock to the system. Looks like I’m going to have to up my prescription of romantic comedies, and supplement with multiple viewings of this:

and scrolling through Tumblr gifs like this:

matthew-mary

Misery loves company. What are your favorite moments of romantic tension? Be a dear and share links if you’ve got them!

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The Love Doctor

via The Resurgence

A few days ago I read “The Six-Second Kiss” on The Resurgence.

Married people, read this.

(Single people, bookmark it for when you are married. But don’t try experimenting with it now. It really is better to keep such intimacy for marriage, take it from somebody who knows!)

Now, LT and I have a very healthy relationship. I owe most of that to the fact that 1) we are a Christian couple and believe marriage is to bring us closer to God, not to make us happy, and 2) we saved the deepest intimacy for marriage, and in marriage enjoy that deepest intimacy most days of the week.

But now that we’ve started greeting each other when he gets home with one of these babies, let’s just say we’ve been keeping the blinds closed a bit more often.

Little Champ is all smiles when he sees us snuggling on the couch. He knows that physical touch between his mom and dad are good and right. It breaks my heart to think of what would happen in that brain of his if he constantly saw us fighting or worse—ignoring each other.

Married couples, move past being just roommates with the same name.  Greet each other in a sexy kiss, look each other in the eye, appreciate each other, and enjoy each other.

Facebookers Anonymous

I got a Facebook account back in 2006, when I was going into college. That’s about 300 internet years ago. Back then, facebook was only for college students.

Fast forward to now, when there is an actual “National De-friend Day” and people have to go on Facebook fasts. Tweens are online at every minute, and so are middle-aged businessmen. People have been reduced to what they like, what they say, where they are, and what they are doing.

I am an internet-aholic. I am completely dependent on Google when I have a question about anything. I shop online before I go into stores. I can’t watch a movie without looking at what IMDB has to say about it. All of my friendships and interpersonal relationships are founded on facebook.

Now, facebook is a glorious thing. It helps me connect with people I wouldn’t normally get to talk to. It keeps me in contact with friends across the country as well as make new acquaintances when I move (both are especially important in a military family).

But being a stay-at-home mom, I can be on the internet 24/7. Being a work-from-home designer and writer, I do 99% of my work on the computer. And when my Marine is gone, you bet your fanny I don’t want to miss an opportunity to chat with him.

Not only do I usually have at least one browser open at all times, but I also tend to average about 7 tabs at a time. When I am browsing, shopping, or investigating something, I have as many as 50 tabs open (or as many as I can fit in one browser window at a time).

I don’t have to say how much I love the internet.

Usually it’s not a really huge problem, because I try to put family above online time. I feel terrible thinking about the times I have spent checking facebook or twitter or my email when I should have been paying attention to my family or my friends, even if we weren’t really doing anything.

In some ways, I have been disciplined. I have avoided getting online when things need to get done, I hide my computer or silence my phone when others are around. But the past week, I don’t even want to think about how many hours I have spent doing nothing but refreshing my newsfeed on facebook or my email inbox.

And I think that I don’t have time to clean or prepare healthy meals for myself.

It has come to my attention that my priorities are still out of order.

First is my family. (This is one of the reasons I am online—to keep in contact with my husband while he is away). I don’t usually have a problem putting everything aside when LT or Champ  need me.

Second is others, third is self.

That sounds good. Until I realize that “Others” is actually too broad a category, and it was leading me to justify reading and commenting on random people’s facebook pages rather than doing chores and even eating, both of which I had classified under the “self” category.

Allow me to just get to the point.

Here’s what I need to do:

  • I have to get myself into a real schedule, one that works with and around Champ’s schedule.
  • I need to eat at least 3 actual meals each day. Neither Chex-mix, nor pop-tarts, nor M&Ms are meals.
  • I need to do housework every day, rather than having hours worth of catching up and hiding things before guests arrive.
  • I need to stop doing nothing online.
  • I need to still be online so I don’t miss an opportunity to talk to my one-and-only.
  • And I still need Facebook access because I am the coordinator for various Officer’s Wives’ activities.

Here are some things I have done and am going to try out:

  • I made up a list of chores and divided them into 6 days of work, including 2 days of laundry. Each day, except Sunday, I have to clean one room. Otherwise I fail at that day. (Sometimes I must resort to using melodramatic scare tactics on myself)
  • I made a list of things I need to do every single day, and put them into a schedule. (Breakfast, chores / work out, lunch, work, break and snack, work, dinner, dishes, putting J to bed, relaxing/reading time, going to bed)
  • I started hosting Writer’s Group at my house, and will soon start hosting two Bible studies at my house. VISITORS=NEED TO CLEAN. (I also threaten myself with embarrassment.)
  • I am changing my priorities to the following: Husband and son, Local friends, chores, self, faraway family and friends, local acquaintances, faraway acquaintances. (In a perfect world, I’d delete most of the “faraway acquaintances” from my facebook, and get rid of them all together! But I am too nice. And I can’t say “no” to friend requests.)
  • I removed my shortcut to facebook and unchecked the “remember me” box, so I have to log in with my obnoxiously-long password before I can get on. Hopefully that will limit browsing time.
  • I added Push notifications to my phone, so I get an alert (similar to a text message) if somebody contacts me via facebook or email. This will keep me from checking facebook and my email a thousand times a day (which is when I get distracted and start browsing).
  • I told LT to email me if he is online, so I am not always checking to see if he is so.
  • I added Pandora to my start-up tabs, so if I open up a browser, lively music will begin to play, reminding me to do chores AND motivating me to do them.
  • If all this fails, I have a timer I can plug my wireless router into, so I cannot get online during certain times of the day. This is a last resort, because it could mean missing LT. It would also mean that I couldn’t get some of my work done, not to mention play Pandora, which would be very sad, indeed. (Just kidding, I have great music. I just forget to turn it on.)

I’ll let you know how it works. I will still blog (I am considering it as “work.” It will be my break from designing, and I do think of it as a sort of responsibility), and I will still probably browse facebook daily, but only during one or two small allotments of time, probably in the middle or at the end of the day, rather than browsing all day long.

Are you distracted by social media? Are you dependent on the internet? How many people are you “friends” with on facebook that are really just a waste of real friend space? How do you motivate yourself to do chores? Vent and give wisdom below.