one of THOSE days.

I woke up at 7 this morning, the same time Champ wakes me up every morning. Thankfully we got to snooze a little longer and got out of bed at 8. Immediately I checked my email and skype to see if LT had gotten online. Then I thought about what I had to do today. Wrap the baby shower gift, go to church, go to baby shower.

Over at the mirror, I discovered that thanks to my new hair care regimen, my hair wasn’t oily or frizzy! It was BOTH. I had time to take another shower, but my hair would not be dry before church and it would be a real frizzed-up mess by the time I went to the (baby) shower. So I poofed some baby powder into my hair and combed it out, curled the ends, combed it out about 300 more times, and hoped somehow I would exude a Veronica Lake vibe instead of one a la Ugly Betty. Checked email again.

Went to wrap the baby gifts and realized I had only a garish gold color for tissue paper, and only one sheet of that. So I accordion-folded a sheet of newspaper and then cut it into zig-zaggy strips and just filled the bag with that. (The mom-to-be didn’t mind. Apparently she is as frugal as I am)

Spent the rest of my time online, watching youtube proposals. No email.

Finally it was time to get up and go to church. Baby and I were ready…but I couldn’t find my keys. After 15 minutes of looking (no surprise, my house is a total mess since my thrift shop adventure), I just grabbed the spare set so we wouldn’t be late for service.

I open the door, and there’s my set of keys, sticking out of the door knob. I had left my keys in the door for over 12 hours. Only slightly terrifying.

Upon sitting in the driver’s seat, the slit in my skirt recedes over my calf, revealing a leg which I observe is about as hairy as an alpaca’s, even though I shaved the other day. This is my life.

But I did get an unexpected laugh during my commute, on account of this little fellow:

At church I compensated for the slit in my skirt by sitting next to two nearsighted old ladies.

After service I quickly changed into the jeans and flats I had stashed in the car. No time to go home before the shower, so I got lunch at a yummy waffle (you have no idea how many times I incorrectly spelled “waffle” just now) house, just me and the baby. The waitress took forever to come see us because she thought we were waiting on somebody to join us. Apparently we looked lonely and desolate. Then the people in the booth across politely asked me where the baby’s father was. The waffles and bacon were good. Champ was too fussy for me to get pie.

It was pouring when we got to the shower (how appropriate), and by the time I got everything inside, my hair was as far-reaching as Ronald McDonald’s. It was a fun shower, and the sherbet punch was especially scrumptious. I was really tired on the drive home. Champ slept. I had to fill up because the car was running on empty. Once we got into the driveway, I checked my email on my phone, then decided I didn’t want to take everything in and bring in the baby, because he would wake up, so I passed out in the driver’s seat for about half an hour.

When I woke up, I was groggy, and Champ was still sleeping.

What is wrong with me? I got almost ten hours of sleep! I haven’t been this tired since…

Oh Lord.

I pulled out of the driveway and drove back to the gas station. Pulled back into the driveway and left Champ sleeping while I went to use the bathroom.

I had the pregnancy test, in hand, when I looked down at the clothes around my ankles.

Well, that answers THAT question.

So no, be assured that nothing is baking in this oven. And also that I retrieved my son from the car, and yes, he did wake up when I did it.

Now please excuse me while I make a smoothie and eat chocolate and lounge in my sweatpants while watching Lifetime.

P.S. I did get an e-mail. About a commercial LT saw featuring a talking sock. Have I told you lately that we are soulmates? (And that if I said we were SOLEmates, because of the sock thing, he would smile? Yeah.)


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